My world shattered 3 years ago. That day is forever etched into my heart, mind and soul. To be honest…..I will NEVER be the same. I will never love, laugh or even live the same again. The landscape of my life is different. How I view God is different. How I view life and circumstances is different.
But today…..September 9, 2019 is different. Even in light of those circumstances…..I’m choosing today….of all days to choose from…..it’s time.
Today I’m stepping out into the start of year number 4 with a new purpose and a new sense of self. It is not a coincidence that today….again of all days to choose from…..that God said this is it. This is the day……
For the first time in 3 years, I’m taking back control. Not from God but from Satan. God’s will always has been and always will be perfect, even when I don’t agree. Even when the hurt and pain is unimaginable. Even when the grief of circumstances is suffocating me. He is still on the throne and He is still sovereign.
About a month ago, I decided to step back into teaching piano again. God has been pressing it on my heart for months and I just kept trying to ignore Him. He didn’t let up. So I said….”ok, if this is your will, then I would like at least 5 students to start.” The next step was to decide when I wanted to start teaching again, which led to the calendar. I knew I wanted to start after Labor Day and I also knew I wanted to start on a full week, because sometimes my OCD gets the best of me, and I didn’t want some students a week behind because of the holiday. Then when I saw the date on the calendar my heart sank…..”Lord, no. I can’t start on this date. That is the day I curl into a ball and wish I was dead.” “No, Cathi, it is time. This is not a coincidence, this is part of my perfect plan. Please trust me, I know it’s hard for you to trust, but I’m for you, not against you. Let’s begin anew. Take my hand, I’ll lead you.”
So I’m taking the Lord’s hand, I’m stepping into a new chapter and I’m excited! Today, September 9, 2019 I begin to teach piano again. 10 years ago I started the adventure of teaching not only piano but homeschooling my kids, too!! I had 4 piano students and 4 homeschooling kids. Then just 2 months later our lives were rocked with my stage 4 cancer diagnosis. I continued to forge ahead with both while undergoing chemo. Sadly….2009-2010 was the only year I taught piano and homeschooled my children, I had to quit to focus on my health and fight for top notch treatments to keep me alive (but that’s a post for another day).
Now I’m excited for all God has in store for this new beginning. Unfortunately (fortunately by my children’s standards 😂🤷🏻♀️) my last 2 children at home will continue to be educated at GHS. I have 7 students (yes God provided me with more than I asked for because He is amazing like that) and I have more boy students than girls. I’m nervous, excited and everything else in between. I’m rusty in the teaching department, but my fingers have been blazing up and down those ivory keys for the past month now so they are not. I’m ready! Beyond a shadow of a doubt…..I’m ready.
It’s time…..to work on letting go completely of the past and moving forward into the future. Not allowing choices and circumstances dictate my future any longer! But allowing God access into the deepest recesses of my wounded soul. Allowing His blood to fill in those wounds and trusting Him for all that my future holds. It’s a work in progress, it has been the last 3 years and it will be into the future. I will forever be in a work in progress, I will constantly stumble and fall but I have to keep my eyes fixed on Jesus. He will never leave me and He will never forsake me.
He is good all the time and all the time He is good!!! I will keep running after Him all the days of my life.
God’s grace to each of you,